Text us. Share your thoughts. Ask Questions. We would love to hear from you.
Embark on a transformative journey with us, John Ballinger and Douglas Ford, as we unravel the complex tapestry of emotional intelligence in the realm of leadership. We promise to take you through the intricate process of cultivating selfless leadership, a necessity amplified by today's leadership crisis in America. Our conversation extends beyond the superficial, delving into 25 critical character traits, with patience as a cornerstone. As we dissect the art of patience, let Martin Luther King Jr.'s words echo in the background, reminding us of the steadfastness required to navigate adversity.
Our exploration doesn't stop at patience. Together with our esteemed guest, John, we dissect the role of social skills in leadership, stressing the importance of active listening and nonverbal communication. Imagine a workplace where empathy and understanding aren't just buzzwords but the very fabric of your team's culture. We share insights on how vulnerability and transparent communication are not only the linchpins of trust but skills you can master to transform your team's performance. And when it comes to bringing new members into the fold of an emotionally intelligent team, we've got some practical wisdom to share.
We also delve into the roots of emotional intelligence, considering how childhood experiences shape our ability to regulate and express emotions. Discover how consistency and communication can lay the foundation for emotional growth from an early age. As we traverse the landscape of emotional intelligence in professional settings, we reveal how patience can be the guiding light in time management and communication, serving as a beacon for self-awareness and cultivating a positive work culture. Finally, join us in extending gratitude to John for his invaluable insights on honesty in self-leadership, as we close this chapter on a note of reflection and aspiration for leaders everywhere.
Text us. Share your thoughts. Ask Questions. We would love to hear from you.
Embark on a transformative journey with us, John Ballinger and Douglas Ford, as we unravel the complex tapestry of emotional intelligence in the realm of leadership. We promise to take you through the intricate process of cultivating selfless leadership, a necessity amplified by today's leadership crisis in America. Our conversation extends beyond the superficial, delving into 25 critical character traits, with patience as a cornerstone. As we dissect the art of patience, let Martin Luther King Jr.'s words echo in the background, reminding us of the steadfastness required to navigate adversity.
Our exploration doesn't stop at patience. Together with our esteemed guest, John, we dissect the role of social skills in leadership, stressing the importance of active listening and nonverbal communication. Imagine a workplace where empathy and understanding aren't just buzzwords but the very fabric of your team's culture. We share insights on how vulnerability and transparent communication are not only the linchpins of trust but skills you can master to transform your team's performance. And when it comes to bringing new members into the fold of an emotionally intelligent team, we've got some practical wisdom to share.
We also delve into the roots of emotional intelligence, considering how childhood experiences shape our ability to regulate and express emotions. Discover how consistency and communication can lay the foundation for emotional growth from an early age. As we traverse the landscape of emotional intelligence in professional settings, we reveal how patience can be the guiding light in time management and communication, serving as a beacon for self-awareness and cultivating a positive work culture. Finally, join us in extending gratitude to John for his invaluable insights on honesty in self-leadership, as we close this chapter on a note of reflection and aspiration for leaders everywhere.
Physically moving from the conversation two steps back, tells your brain all right, stop. Let me think about this for a second.
Speaker 2:Welcome to First Lead U, a podcast dedicated to building leaders, expanding their capacity, improving their self-awareness through emotional intelligence and developing deeper understanding of selfless leadership.
Speaker 1:Hello America and welcome to First Lead U where we believe selfless leadership is essential. America is suffering a leadership crisis. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence is the key to developing selfless leaders. Now here is personal growth coach John Ballinger. Hello, I'm John Ballinger. Welcome to First Lead U. I am here alongside my co-host, douglas Ford. Mr Ballinger, how are you today?
Speaker 3:I am great, I'm great, mr Ford, how are you? Good, it's been a little cold the last few days, but other than that, look, chillin.
Speaker 1:I think 75 million people have been affected by this cold weather and we happen to be some of that 75 million. We do. We're two of the 75 million, so we've got a great show today. I'm actually going to be interviewed today.
Speaker 3:Yes, I'm going to turn the tables a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm excited to be interviewed. When you brought this up, when you brought the idea up of me being interviewed, I like that because I do get asked a lot how did you develop, what did you do, what steps did you take, things like that. So I think asking me just point blank helps me just probably just regurgitate this journey that I've been on for decades now. So look forward to it.
Speaker 3:And we're going to. We'll have some areas of focus. We're going to talk about emotional intelligence, which should not be a surprise to anybody. We're going to talk about what you can do to develop a key trait, and what we're going to introduce are our list, this episode, of the things that we're going to be counting down or naming During this season. So we've got the emotional intelligence, and then we are going to talk about childhood development and then, finally, our mystery topic that I'll let you introduce, this to Tell us what we're going to be counting down, so to speak, this season.
Speaker 1:This may be difficult to grasp as a leader, but we have compiled a list of 25 character traits that leaders need to incorporate into daily leadership, and today we're going to start with one of everybody's favorite that I talk about. Probably I get question day.
Speaker 3:a lot about is patience, oh, great, that's what we want to talk about?
Speaker 1:Well, I'll actually tell people. Can we hurry up and get to it? Yeah, I'll actually tell people. You know what? Let's just pray about it. Pray about it, oh no, then I'll get tested. I know that's the point. Everybody wants to pray for patience. Yeah, it's a virtue, so, yeah. So we're going to be talking about over the over this season. We're going to be talking about the 25 character traits and we're going to be talking about how you, as a leader, can take where you're at with that particular character trait and then evolve in it to where you become stronger in that character trait to become the leader that you should be for your teams.
Speaker 3:So trait number one is patience. Develop patience to be a better leader. Yep, sure is so. Well, we'll get into it with some of these questions, anything you want to give us as a precursor before we get into that.
Speaker 1:I would say that. So this is. This past Monday was Martin Luther King day and I think we had a podcast that we had previously recorded that dropped, so I wasn't able to read one of my favorite quotes from Mr King, but I have. It Is the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. No more time. I mean we think about when he said that decades ago and think about the challenge and controversy that's going on in the leadership realm today and how much we as leaders need to be prepared for the ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of convenience and comfort, but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy, which today is probably an 80% of what a leader deals with is a some kind of challenge or controversy, and this whole podcast is geared toward helping that leader learn how to deal with challenges and controversy and lead well, so his team follows him or her well and they don't abandon them.
Speaker 3:So that's good. That's a good quote and could be very relevant. I mean, obviously it's very relevant today. It could have been said yesterday in terms of the state we find ourselves in.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 3:So we're going to get into this. So, like I said, the first set of questions we're going to focus on is emotional intelligence, and we've done this before, but I'm going to ask you to define emotional intelligence.
Speaker 1:So if the audience at any point is listening to this, while they're sitting at a desk at home, at work or whatever, I really want them to write this definition down and put it on a desk or in a drawer where it's easily accessible, because it's that important. It's the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and feelings as well as those of others, so emotional. You're trying. You're trying to understand how to manage your own emotions and your feelings about what's going on, as well as the emotions and feelings of others that you're leading. At the same time and it could be you're learning to do that inside the situation that's going on.
Speaker 1:Like I had a leader the other day called me and said he's set down his two key personnel in his company and they were it was a volatile situation between his right and left arm. These were the key people in his company and they were going at each other and he actually allowed them to draw him in to the conflict Instead of staying outside. He said I knew as soon as they did it that I was wrong and I knew when they did it they had drawn me into it and then I had to figure out how to withdraw myself from it, calm it down, and he said I just didn't do a good job at all of it, you know. And so we coached through what he had done better in that situation, but at least he recognized hey, I'm in the middle of this and I need to get out of it because I'm making it worse, because it's it's actually. It actually flared him up, he got, he got aggravated about it.
Speaker 1:So, like you said, at least there was some awareness yeah really been working on that with him and I'm glad he was able to see it as he as he was drawn into it and pulled back out. But you know, and it says the ability to understand that's, that's an awareness, like he understood. He got drawn into it. Now I got to, I got to withdraw from it because I've become gasoline to this fire instead of water to this fire. So that was a good definition for that.
Speaker 3:You want to repeat the definition one more time, just so we can have that in totality.
Speaker 1:Sure, emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and feelings, as well as those in your leadership, as well as those of others, and trying to understand others emotions while it's going on, as well as your own. I'm telling you, folks, it's not easy. That's why most people run from this and do not develop, because they can't learn how to manage their own emotions, let alone those of others, especially in the middle of it.
Speaker 3:So yeah, being able to do that in the middle of the firefight, so to speak, is is key. So when you think about emotional intelligence and we've done a little research obviously on this topic there's kind of five components that come up about emotional intelligence and they really put forward by Dr Daniel Goldman and who was a scientist, author, psychologist, and he actually came up with the phrase. He and his partner came up with this idea of emotional intelligence, which really didn't surface until 1990. Which is not that long ago. It's not really that long ago.
Speaker 3:So if you were, yeah, if you were in a leadership position prior to the 90s or under someone's leadership prior to the 90s.
Speaker 1:You really don't understand emotional intelligence. And why like so? Why is this all of a sudden a thing? Well, it's a thing because it was the missing piece in leadership, and why the leadership used the hammer and nails routine. They were the hammer and everyone else was the nail, the closed door. If I scream and yell loud enough at you, you won't come and knock on my door and ask to come in because you don't want to get bit. So that's what you, that's what people that were either in a leadership position or under someone in leadership position. That's just what they knew. And guess what that was? That type of leadership does not work today. Yeah, it's becoming more and more evident.
Speaker 3:That's not the method that you want to use when you're leading a team, right? So, uh, daniel Goldman came up with five core elements of emotional intelligence, and the first one is self awareness, something we talked a good bit about. Could you talk to us a little bit about self awareness and what that means? Well, again, it's the self.
Speaker 1:So don't miss that. A lot of these items that you need to get better at, have a word have the word self, which means you know Steve Jobs created the iPhone, the iPhone, the iPhone, the iPhone, the iPhone, the iPhone, the iPhone, the iPod, the iPad, the. You know, and and it really was I, I, I, me, me, me. And in this situation we're saying the same thing. We're saying everything that you need to do to be the leader you need to be for your people starts with you. Your people don't make you a better leader. You become a better leader for your people and you can mature and grow as you learn to lead people Well, but it starts with you. So self awareness is understanding your own thoughts and emotions. We talk about journaling when I'm, when I'm in this situation and I react this way or I run from that kind of situation, being able to write that down and say why do I do that? What's causing me to run from that situation or not want to address that situation? Very important.
Speaker 3:And the next one would be self regulation, which might sound a lot like self awareness, but how would those two things be different?
Speaker 1:Difference in so self awareness is you understand what's going on, self regulations. Now that I understand, how do I, how do I calm myself? Or how do I, I say, carry myself in that situation? How do I react in that situation? Sometimes I will tell people you've actually got to remove yourself from that situation and physically, as it's going on, take two steps back. You're removing yourself, the person, if it's conflict, or you're trying to figure out, when you know a decision, what's going on, physically, moving from the conversation two steps back, tells your brain all right, stop, let me think about this for a second. So actually move your feet two or three steps back from it, which gives your mind some pause to be able to think. And that's the self regulation.
Speaker 3:And then the next one is motivation. That's the third component of emotional intelligence motivation Difficult.
Speaker 1:Self motivation is difficult because there are different types of motivation. But the motivation I'm looking for in a leader is how do I self motivate myself? How do I do that too? And in the workspace? How do I do that in the home space? How do I do that? From a developing standpoint I've got is no different. Going to the gym We've talked about that. We'll go to the gym and we'll run on that treadmill for hours and we'll put iPods on and watch TV or listen to music, but how much time do we spend outside the gym developing our brain, which helps develop our emotions? That's the challenge we have. Most people go get on that treadmill 10 times before they'd sit down and say what do I need to do to develop my brain and make it stronger?
Speaker 3:So just developing that emotional intelligence through through self evaluation, self-awareness, self-regulation, those are things that help and the motivation to do that really comes from.
Speaker 1:I think it's an internal question that we ask is why are you in a leadership position? Because, if your response is I want to make more money, or what you know one of the common things that we get that's wrong. What is your motivation for being in a leadership position? Is it because you want to learn to lead people well, because you don't feel like they're being led well? You really need to have that conversation with yourself. Why did I step up and why do I want to be a leader?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and we've talked about this previously as well, but there's a difference between being a task manager even if you're over a group of people and you're managing their tasks then there is being a leader of people, and so you could be really good at managing the task that your team has to do and getting those done. But it's a different step when you start leading the people who are then going to do the task.
Speaker 1:Well, it's the older we, we manage things, we lead people Right, absolutely.
Speaker 3:So the next one up is empathy, the next component of emotional intelligence empathy.
Speaker 1:Again, very difficult. Empathy is walking in someone's shoes without having walked in their shoes. As a leader and I said this last week to a leader you need to spend an hour and a half a year in personal conversation with every leader that you've got, because it's going to help you understand, like, where they're coming from, how they think. It's going to create a personal relationship and we've talked about this in the first season. Personal development leads to professional success. Even as a leader, you're going to develop a stronger team when you have a personal connection with them, when you realize that they are a real person, and when you do that, you can start having empathy because there's a trust that starts getting built when you have that personal relationship and when they have a challenge, you can empathize with them and be able to work with them through that Cause. If they, if you're approachable, they will come to you with a challenge and work through that with them. All right.
Speaker 3:And the last one for these five core elements of emotional intelligence is social skills.
Speaker 1:Can I tell you, one of the best challenges that I received on social skills was active listening. You're so busy as a leader that when someone comes up to you, you're already thinking about three steps ahead or something that you've got to do and you don't actively listen to that person. And it's it's still. One of my biggest challenges is stopping listening actively and then processing that information to be able to give a good, solid, discussion, decision, answer, whatever to that person. But you have to learn to actively listen. Nonverbal communications I always talk about eye movements, hand movements, walking, how someone walks their gate all those are important that it helps you understand your team. So social skills is critical and it's and it's awareness thing Again. So self awareness is how am I doing it? The, the social awareness is how's my team doing it, what are they doing? And being able to recognize that still tough to do.
Speaker 3:So we'll probably come back at some point and talk more about active listening. That sounds like something we need to explore.
Speaker 1:It's a huge one. Let me finish with this. But if you do these five things, what happens is self improvement In, which is a product of learning these five steps as you'll, as you continue to work on each one of them and challenge yourself or having your coach challenge you and and developing, you're going to see self improvement as a leadership take place. And we've got I mean we've got case after case of study after study and person after person, and I think we're going to have a couple of people on this season that have gone through these five things intentionally, really working their self, me working with them and and see the development that they say that has happened in their life by doing that.
Speaker 3:So we'll move on to some other emotional intelligence questions. We got through those five core elements of emotional intelligence, but how do emotions and emotional intelligence impact decision making, particularly in the professional setting?
Speaker 1:So this is this is a phrase that our audience has heard me say when emotions take place, because it's good emotions, bad emotions.
Speaker 1:But when emotions take place, the better the leader can manage the emotions of what's going on, the better the outcome of the situation. So we've talked about the leader must learn how not to be gas to a fire that's already going on. If 80% of a leader's day is dealt is is is dealing with fires, then that leader has to develop themselves where they become more water to the fire versus gasoline to the fire. And what we've got today, because of all the emotions of leadership and the emotions of the teams and the emotions of the customers and the vendors all of a sudden you, you're either the person that learns to be water or you get drawn into the fire by being gasoline and you're going to get burnt and your team's going to stop functioning and the company's going to become unprofitable. And so a leader has to literally sit down and ask themselves what can I do to continue being growing and being water to the fires that are going on in the company? So, speaking of a leader, how?
Speaker 3:can a leader cultivate a culture of emotional intelligence so that their team works better or the organization works better? It starts with them. They actually have to verbalize it.
Speaker 1:We were talking to a leader in a company and said hey, have you told your team that you're doing this? No, guess what? Verbalize it to your team. It's all right, as a leader, to be vulnerable. It's all right to say I'm not the best. It's all right to say I'm not the best leader that I can be for you, but I really want to be, and I'm working toward that myself and I want to work with you as my team. You know you're the ones that are direct reports to you. I want to work with you all, so be vulnerable and communicate it.
Speaker 3:And so, as a leader, you're communicating what you're doing and that you're learning about emotional intelligence or just how you feel about things. But is that something you can learn or is it something that just kind of comes natural?
Speaker 1:No, it's got, it's learned. There there are some people that it is, it's a one of their natural gifts, but we're talking maybe one, one percent of the population. So it's it's. It's something that's learned. It's something you have to work at.
Speaker 3:And if, let's just say, you have a team that is developing and working on their own emotional intelligence, you got a leader that's working on those emotional test. How's that going to impact the team dynamics, job satisfaction of a team? Well, if they're aware of that, if they're aware of it then that means there's trust that's getting built.
Speaker 1:And when trust gets built, communication starts taking place. And one of the biggest challenges that we see in companies is lack of trust to communications. Everybody's in such a what I call a turtle mode I'm in my shell, protecting myself that there's not a lot of trust to communications in companies. So the team working on that actually builds trust. And when trust gets built, communication takes place. And when that happens, you start seeing fluidity up and down inside the company. And when you see that how management takes place, profitability takes place. The awareness of the team that the team's working on that takes place. Because one of the things downline with your team is, if they're not getting communicated to, they're having to fill in the blanks all the time. And when, when you allow the team down line to fill in the blanks, that's a dangerous place to be.
Speaker 3:They always pick the worst case scenario they're going to every time, all right. So so now we've got a leader who's working on their emotional intelligence, we've got a team who is buying in and working on their emotional intelligence and and sometimes the emotional intelligence leader may may actually be a team member, may not be the leader. Someone else may have been working and developing these. Now you're ready to bring a new team member in. So how? What role would that play in hiring a new team member? Bring new team member in.
Speaker 1:Well, you said a dirty word just now Hiring. Yeah, you said a hiring. We, we, uh, we tell people, take that out of your vocabulary and say selecting. And you select by having assessments established in the company that you want the team member to take and you take the job position requirements and the assessments and then you do a personal interview with them.
Speaker 1:You know, you've been with me when I've done interviews and I I don't start out with tell me about how you know to do what you do. I don't start out with that. I mean one of the first thing of it tell me about yourself. Normally the response to that is how far do you want to go back? And I say go back as far as you can remember, right, because that get that allows that person to really tell me about myself. And I hear where they were born at. You know, I mean they just start just talking, right, that gives me a sense of who they are, where they grew up at, grew up at family dynamics mother fought, divorce, household, sometimes grandmother raised, didn't have a mom and dad. All that plays into the interview process. So the selection process is critical inside a company, especially in the environment of leadership. You may be hiring someone or selecting someone for a position down line, but if it's going to be someone that's over people in a management or leadership position, you need to have an assessment process in place.
Speaker 3:All right, Well, we're going to take a quick break and we're going to come back and we're going to get into your other favorite subject, which is early childhood development, and we've got a few questions on that, and then we'll get into more about patients, so we'll be right back. Welcome back to First Lead you. Today we're actually interviewing John, asking him some questions, drawing on his expertise from a Q and A format, and we've been talking about emotional intelligence, which is something we talk about a lot on First Lead you. But now we're going to move into early childhood development. John talks a lot about zero to five and six to 10 and puberty and how those stages of life impact you and what they can do, and so, john, you've got some opening comments on that.
Speaker 1:Well, first, of all, I want to tell the audience every thing that we I am talking about I've actually applied in my life. I'm not just telling you, I'm not read books and said you know what, give this a whirl, see if it works. Everything that I'm asking the audience to do I've actually done and continue to do. It's not like I arrived somewhere and now I'm in. You know this holy grail of leadership. Absolutely not, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:I falter daily in my leadership, but I work daily to overcome and grow as a leader, because anybody that's been around me knows I mean, I started a business years and years ago that's grown into multiple businesses and then help manage and lead other multiple businesses and deal with phone calls after phone calls and messages after messages daily. There's no way I could possibly do what I do without a greater emotional intelligence. And you've you've come alongside me three plus years ago and seen me still mature or me have to walk in your office and say, man, I busted that one. I got to work on that, but you've got to work at it and I'm working at it with you.
Speaker 1:Okay, so one of the things that I'm going to give some props to uh, anemesis of the football team that I followed growing up in Knoxville and obviously a Tennessee Vols fan. But I read this quote from Saban Nick Saban, who's a now retired Alabama football coach. I think there was some, probably some parties going down and Auburn that day that I have, yes, as a long-term urban fan, we're definitely happy that he is no longer there, and for a good friend of mine, chris Ackerson, that you can't even see anything.
Speaker 1:If you just say the word Alabama, he says roll tide. I mean it, you know. So he's just, he's a, he's a Bama graduate. So I have to give him grace a lot. But I am going, I totally buy into this next, next statement when it comes to, uh, his message you're going to suffer through one or two things in life either the pain of discipline or the pain of disappointment. And I mean, when I read that, I mean it hit me hard, that's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it hit me very hard because I talk about the discipline of leadership and what you have to do to motivate yourself, to invest in yourself, to have others like select a coach or a mentor, to invest in you. But, man, I'm telling you he's spot on. You either invest in the pain of discipline or you're going to be in a discipline or, as we deal with, we deal with the pain of disappointment because a leader has grown into, gone into a leadership position, whether out of competence or convenient, and then they've plateaued or they've started regressing and it's very disappointing to them and it becomes very disappointing to their team because they're not leading them. So you know, that's a that's a powerful statement, coach Saban said.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and as much as it pains me to say there's, there's a lot of good wisdom that comes out of Coach Saban and the years that he's been leading young men. I mean that's his. His whole career has been leading leading man, leading young man in football, and so obviously he has some great pearls of wisdom to share. Or he wouldn't have been successful as he has been the last 17 years at Alabama and even the years before that that led him to that position at Alabama.
Speaker 1:So I agree, 100% agree.
Speaker 3:All right, so moving on. So childhood development we talk a lot about childhood development on Firstly View. I've spent a couple different podcasts talking about it, different stages that we go through as we develop. So in the early years, those zero to five years, what role does life experience play in the overall development during those early years?
Speaker 1:I want to, I want to touch on the zero to two out of that. Zero to five, because that's the stage in a child's life that they're. They can only see and hear what's going on. There's not a lot of audible, and even at two, when it's when it is, when they start talking, it's still not. You know they're not having full blown conversations that are that are they understand. But I want to focus on the zero to two.
Speaker 1:Everything that a child hears or sees and this includes you as a leader, so don't take your out or yourself out of the equation. Just think about your little Johnny or Susie but everything you see or hear is becoming part of your database. That's creating how you react to things in life. And I've used this analogy in the past where at the one year old birthday party we'll have the cake and the high chair and everybody's around laughing and playing, you know, singing and all those things, and the child's fingers are in the birthday cake and they're just I mean, their fingers are in it and then all of a sudden it's in their hair and it's all over their face and everybody's laughing and having a great time taking pictures and the next day the parents trying to teach them how to use a utensil and eat and they still want to use their hands. And then, when they don't use the utensil, the parent gets onto them.
Speaker 1:And you talking about confusing to a child, yesterday it was fine and everybody was laughing and taking pictures. Today I'm getting my hand slapped because I'm not using it. We'll do those societal things, thinking, well, there's nothing wrong with that. What you don't understand you're doing is you're actually creating a blueprint of confusion in a child's mind, which actually is part of why a leader's confused today about their emotions and what's going on. So very key component.
Speaker 3:Well, speaking of that, and you alluded to it a little bit. So how can parents foster good emotional intelligence in a child? I mean, if they, if they've gone through some of those early stages and maybe they have created some of those confusing moments for kid, and maybe there are moments that aren't even don't even involve the child, the child just observes maybe some of that's going on in the household. What can a parent do to really think about and hone in on helping develop good emotions, emotional intelligence, with their child? Well, first of all, be aware of what you've done.
Speaker 1:Because parents don't. It's kind of like a leader not wanting to be vulnerable and admit they don't know everything. Well, guess what? Parents don't know everything when they're parents. Did you know that?
Speaker 3:Well, I didn't know everything, but I assumed I was the only one.
Speaker 1:No, parents do not know, and especially early childhood parents when they're trying to figure out marriage and themselves still, and they have a child, they really don't know and a lot of times we will neglect the emotional intelligence growth of the child and the social growth because we're still trying to figure ourselves out and we're in arguments and we're in a selfish mode because I want what I want and why she want what she wants, her vice versa, and that entire time that's going on, that child's watching and absorbing all that negative energy and trying to understand like what's going on. That's why a lot of kids blame themselves on parents divorce, because they think it's their fault that mommy and daddy couldn't get along. So the parents have to be aware, they have to be vulnerable and they have to sit down when little Johnny or Susie is ready to talk and in a very basic and silly, listen. You know what I messed up. Parents have to have to, you have to.
Speaker 1:I did. I went to my son one year ago, so that he would have been 27, and said listen, I screwed up some things when you were growing up. I want to apologize and I want to do better, but man recognize it and I don't care when it is. There's no bad time to go to your child if you've messed up and say I'm sorry and I want to do better.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, yep. Never too late to start a good relationship Absolutely not. So. So, as parents, we need to be more aware of what we're doing, and then be aware of be aware enough to go to our children and let them know when we messed up.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Let them grow in their emotional intelligence.
Speaker 1:Absolutely it will, because then they'll say it's, it's all right to say you know I messed up and talk about it. You know one of the other things and you and I've talked about it our dads never sit down with us as young men, young boys, young men and then men, and said you know what, let's just talk about life stuff. Yeah, but that's what we should be doing, because we've lived life. At that point we should be able to talk about life stuff. We just stay bottled up and I think when, when the parents are bottled up and then the kids become bottled up, I think a lot of what we've got on this got going on in society right now is a bunch of bottled up people that will text each other or put an emoji out on the social media site or something like that. A man, we won't sit down and talk with each other.
Speaker 3:No, we want to avoid that. We get on Facebook and tell everybody we will. So well, let's move on to the next topic, which was our key leadership trait for the day, which was patience. We've got just a few questions here we're going to cover on patience before we wrap up this episode. But when you think about patience, how does practicing patience actually contribute to emotional intelligence?
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to tell the audience my two biggest challenges out of that 25 were patience and temperament. I had a temper issue and a patience issue. Those two things I've had to work harder on than any other of the 25. Some of those traits become very natural to me. I was born natural with some of those traits. Those two I was not those two.
Speaker 1:Still today I have to work on my patience and my temperament when dealing with emotional intelligence. So when you work on patience it actually increases your emotional intelligence, because most everything that's tied to making a decision in the firefight will deal with patience. A person that is impatient, going to an impatient person thinking they're going to fix a situation that's bad, doesn't work. Most times when people get into a dark place in their life or a very challenging place, they don't reach out to a person that's the same, challenged, in a dark place or not understanding what's going on. They look for someone that they know is patient and com, logical, rational, that they can come to and they can dump their challenge on and that person will help them. So patience helps emotional intelligence, which in the professional world actually equals greater time management of your personal and professional life.
Speaker 3:Talk a little bit more about that. How does patience help you with time management?
Speaker 1:Well, if you're constantly stirred up right and 50 plus percent of your entire emotional brain power is spent in that what I call the spin cycle of washing machine, and what's that done? I mean it's just going faster, faster, faster, faster You're not going to get anything done and you can step back out of that and have better patience with a higher level of emotional intelligence. It's actually going to increase your time that you have to spend on the things that are coming at you all the time.
Speaker 3:All right, that's good, that's good. So when we think about patience and time management, probably one of the other things that would come to mind relate to that. How does patience help improve communication?
Speaker 1:Well, I say this is the two years one mouth. God knew what he was doing. He gave us two of one and one of the other. When you learn to listen twice as much as you speak as a leader, it takes patience because you automatically, when that person starts talking, you automatically want to put words in their mouth, speed them up with what they're going to say, especially if they're nervous, like they're coming to you and they've got this challenge and they really don't know how to put it all together into a format that can allow you, as a leader, to respond to them. And so they're nervous, acting. You actually want to start talking for them and I've seen leaders that will actually start talking for them and over them and shut them up and pretty soon it's the leader telling them the problem and probably left a lot out of what's actually going on. So patience actually helps the active listening which helps communication between yourself and your team. Member.
Speaker 3:So good communications takes patience, because you want to be able to actively listen to what people are telling and understand.
Speaker 1:Listen to understand what's going on in somebody's life. It's good.
Speaker 3:So I would imagine that if you don't have very good patients that, as you know, we've talked about it in a positive trait having patients how that can impact you. What's the negatives of not having patients? How can that be a barrier to developing self-awareness and developing good emotional intelligence?
Speaker 1:Douglas, do you want to work for somebody that's impatient? Not long, you just don't. I mean, I think the pressure cooker that was going on way before COVID hit and the great resignation was people did not want to work for someone that was just impatient and hollered and was abrupt and grenade I call them grenade throws that come in a room and just throw a grenade and it just explodes and everybody's just kind of like upside down and it runs the whole day. But people are looking for I think it's the number one trait someone leaves a company is somebody that's impatient as a leader. But I also think it's the number one thing that someone's looking for going to a company is a leader that's patient and will understand and listen and yes, it's a lot as a leader.
Speaker 1:You say well, I didn't have to do that 10 years ago, grace. Can I tell you how many times I get told that? Well, 10 years ago I don't want to talk about 10 years ago. What's happening today and throughout history we've had to modify our behaviors, leaders, and it's up to you in the leadership position to decide whether I'm going to modify. I didn't say you have to let them lead you, but you've got to understand that things are differently different than they are today, and I'm going to tell you and this is a tough statement to end this podcast Most of the reason the great resignation happened, and even everything before that, was because of failed leadership. If leaders had have applied emotional intelligence years ago in the workforce and I'm talking about 40s, 50s, 60s we wouldn't have the issues we've got today, because it would have been a trickle down effect and we would actually grown emotionally as leaders Instead of just now. We went so far down that look what it's taken to reverse that and come out of that in a positive manner.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we still probably have several years to go.
Speaker 1:I think a decade. I really think a decade.
Speaker 3:I think, a decade Versions of management to go through before we get to a really truly emotionally intelligent leadership and team members. I agree, I agree with that. Well, speaking of that, we'll finish it up on this question and then we'll wrap up for today. But how can leaders demonstrate patience that fosters good emotional intelligence on their team?
Speaker 1:I've said this in the past with leaders you wear your impatience like a coat. I can see your skin reaction. I can feel it Like I can feel someone's impatience they have got to work on. I don't care if it's standing in front of a mirror and talking to yourself as a leader. And yes, I've done that. Again, I'm not asking you to do anything that I've not done myself. I actually stood in front of a mirror and talked to myself in certain situations to see how it would react to it. So I would see what someone else is saying when they're dealing with me. The leader must practice positive reaction to adverse situations. They must work on that.
Speaker 3:They'll explain that to me Positive reactions to adverse situations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't allow this. I mean, somebody comes to you with this. So if 80% of your day is dealing with negative things or challenges inside the company, if you react negatively and your body language is huffing and puffing and eye rolling and you know, walking away and rubbing your head and all this, I mean, what's your team going to think? I'll have people walk into a leader and start with I know you're covered up in business and got a ton on you, but, yeah, that's true. But you should not foster an environment where everybody's afraid to come to you with a challenge and it's got to start with this long sentence of apology before they talk to you. It should be hey boss, you get. Can I talk to you just a second and feel comfortable that you're not going to get the eye roll or the big huff and puff and be listened to actively. So don't, as a leader, don't let your bodily emotions and reactions create a wall that doesn't allow your team to come to you. Don't do it, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, I think a lot of what we've said is you know, as being a leader, it's really you know, we've heard this. It's a selfless position, right? We really got to embrace that. If you're going to be a good leader, you've got to embrace it's not about you and people bring problems to you. That's the reason you're there is to help them solve their problems. You can't make yourself a barrier to helping them solve their problems.
Speaker 1:That's correct, absolutely.
Speaker 3:So well. Thank you so much. We've got a lot of ground today, a lot of questions. There's tons more we could ask, tons more we could explore and we'll probably get into that more as we go through this season. But thank you for taking the time out to go through those questions, absolutely so. We said this season we're going to try to end every episode with an action item, and so today's action item is go take an emotional intelligence test there. You can find quite a few of them on the internet. There's some free ones or some paid ones. One of our favorite is the book by Dr Travis Bradbury, which is emotional intelligence 2.0. That has an assessment that comes with it. You read the first chapter, kind of understand it, how to take it. You take the assessment and then the book points you to different strategies you can use to become, to start working on your emotional intelligence. But that's the challenge for this week. The action point is to go find an emotional intelligence assessment and take that and find out where you line up on your emotional intelligence.
Speaker 1:Real quick for you. I had a leader, aspiring leader, take that test this past week and one section. There's four seconds. One section got an 89, one section of 57.
Speaker 1:Well, that kind of balances out. I mean, think so, think about what that that 57 from an emotional standpoint could be challenging to his team and himself, which is it was social, like horrible social skills. So now he knows like, all right, I've really got to work on that. But took the test, answered it honestly. Young leader going into the business world 57 and 89 for his high and low.
Speaker 3:Wow. Well, you said something that's key there and, as when you take the test, is important to answer the questions honestly, as it is of yourself, not a role that you play, not a position that you're in. Don't try to guess what the answer should be. It's truly what is your response and reaction to the situation, because of the more honest you are, the more accurate the score is going to be, which is going to give you the things that you need to be working on. That's going to help you become a leader you want to be.
Speaker 1:That's correct.
Speaker 3:So thanks again for being here on this episode with us, John. It's all about learning to first lead you to be a better leader, absolutely so. Thank you, mr Ford. Thank you, mr Dodger. Have a great week.